No Man Left Behind

A few months ago, I found myself steeped in one of life’s realities—a reality I did not actually want to accept. In an endeavor to escape what was a reality I now realize God desired for me to process through, I became very preoccupied with finding solutions. This preoccupation was a means of trying to make myself feel better about, well, me…because things weren’t going my way. Quite honestly, my challenges were in great contrast to what people perceived. As such, I allowed these perceptions to apply pressure to me—so I struggled to find solutions. What a mess!

While trying to map out my little “escape route,” I realized that I had forgotten I was on this journey with someone—my husband. Devin is not pushy or super needy, so it was the Holy Spirit who really helped me to see that I was lacking in this area. He helped me to see that since Devin and I are one, I needed to engage as a team player. Of course I love and care for my husband. But, it is possible that we allow the stresses of life to distract us from the fact that our spouse has goals, desires, struggles, victories, and a need for love and support as well. So, although I wasn’t doing horribly in the way of support, I needed regain focus.

Proverbs 31:11-12 is a good example of what happens when a wife is aware of her role in the marriage unit.

“The heart of her husband safely trusts her; so he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life.”

This passage implies that: (1) she remained emotionally available to her husband, (2) the husband could trust her to come to him in times of need, (3) she remained present—not distant or unnaturally introverted, (4) she wasn’t unpredictable—didn’t make rash decisions or lash out, and (5) she did not leave her husband behind—trying to find solutions and make things happen on her own.

When was the last time you made a conscious effort to remind your husband that you are in “this” together? No matter our goals, hurts, insecurities, desires, or victories we must not leave our husbands behind emotionally, spiritually or in any other way. Let’s commit to focusing less on what we want and need. Instead, choose to engage in meaningful conversation with your husband about what his needs are. Don’t automatically think all of his needs are sexual/physical. He will surprise you when you open the door for honest communication. This does not mean that your needs do not matter or that you all should ignore the realities of your challenges and desires (that’s unhealthy!). What this does mean, though, is that we must make conscious, consistent efforts as wives to pour into our husbands.  Since God has joined us to our spouse, we must remember that we are in this life-journey together!

Cheers to no husband left behind.

Xx,

-AMG

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Are You the Wise Woman?

Proverbs 14:1 says, ” A wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.” Wow! What a succinct but powerful statement! Although this scripture mentions that a woman builds her house, I think it is safe to say that Solomon (the writer of the Book of Proverbs) is not talking literal bricks here. When I think of the word house in this context, I think of people– husband, children, extended family, pets (is it a bit of a stretch to add Fido in?). So, for this particular post, I really want to focus on how a woman can build up her king, her husband, her covering.

Much pressure is put on the man to be the provider, protector, defender, superman, problem-solver, so forth and so on. Essentially, society looks at the man as the one who can handle it all. However, as I have been thinking on this topic lately, I have come to personal terms with the fact that this not how God views men; nor is this the expectation He places on them. In fact, why would scriptures such as Matthew 11:28 exist that encourage people (men and women) to bring their heavy burdens to Christ? Why would Philippians 4:19 exist if men were actually the providers? Let’s relieve some of this pressure by understanding that God is the quintessential EVERYTHING we need, not our husbands. The husband is–among other things–the leader of the home, the one who facilitates order, hears from God and prophesies over his home, leads the family into worship, and stewards well what the Lord provides. And, when there seems to be a shortage or lack in some area, the man seeks the Lord for direction and puts his hand to the plow. So, yes, the man works diligently to provide (thank God for my hubs!). Keeping this all in proper perspective, though, God is the ultimate provider, strength, foundation, problem-solver, protector, and defender as it relates to the family life.

With all of this said, how can a woman (queen) build up her man (king) as he seeks God, walks in his ministry call, builds his business, leads the family, presses through hardship, etc.? There are several ways this can be done, especially since you know your mate best. However, I have come up with a short list of things I think are universally helpful as we wives endeavor to edify our husbands, making them feel appreciated, valued, loved, and respected. As you integrate these practices into your daily marriage life to give your relationship a pick-me-up, not only will you build up your husband, but your children will experience the joy and benefits of witnessing a healthy, happy marriage!

  1. Build him up with words. Ladies, believe it or not, your husband needs you to tell him he is doing a good job. He needs you to tell him how manly or great he is, looks, or smells. Lately I’ve been telling Devin he smells so manly to let him know I love his cologne/smell goods collection (and just for a good laugh). Whether that will fly with you and your guy, idk! Hahaha. If your husband is going through a rough patch, don’t expect him to handle it alone. It is scientifically proven that men use fewer words than women, so don’t expect your hubby to come to you like a natural Wendy Williams and spill his guts. Not going to happen! Instead, you take the initiative to pray, speak over his life, and invite him (not force him) to tell you what is going on in his world, his heart, his life outside of the home.
    2. Surprise him. Show your husband you are thinking about him! Nothing builds a man up more than knowing his one-and-only still thinks he’s absolutely divine! Whether this is a spontaneous date night, a video game he’s been wanting, a card with a heartfelt note written inside, a free pass to hang with his guys on a weekend he was supposed to watch the kids, or something more “intimate,” make sure it is obviously from your heart and not just something you threw together. Men love surprises, too! I remember I sent roses to Devin’s job once and it was a big hit with him (and his co-workers). It was suuuuper out-of-the-box but I wanted to let him know I was thinking about him.
  2. Say “I love you” often. When was the last time you professed those three special words to your husband? Regardless of your personality type, your husband needs to hear these words often. I am more of an introverted and shy personality, which means I have to be intentional about sharing my fondest thoughts of my husband with my husband, not just thinking them–because he can’t read my mind. You should say “I love you,” but you can text it, email it, FB it, Instagram it, write in on the mirror with lipstick. I don’t know! Just let the man know you love him…and then still be nice (because nothing is worse than an “I love you” followed by a “I thought I told you to…” rant.)
  3. Laugh together. Nothing will remind you of the foundation of friendship you have with your king more than laughter. It tears down walls between wives and husbands, takes away the inhibitions, and just lets us be ourselves together. I can’t put this more simply. Just get together and laugh. We are up against so much in the day-to-day that a good laugh a day will be medicine for your relationship! Guarantee 🙂

Cheers to being the wise woman.

Xx,

  • AMG